end of these days

Even though I deep down do not believe in “writers/artist blocks” I feel as if I have been going through something often described as artist block.  It has been brought on by a slew of “life issues” and changes that have had made life anywhere from tragic to sad to happy to generally busy.  I won’t go into the details now but if you have followed me here, fb, deviant art or livejournal you may know some of the back stories that have brought me to this point.  All these things have had a “Psychological Payment” to my creative self/life and something I will have to cash it out with great fervor.

The roads that lead me to the here and now have been paved with remorse or have the grisal of a gravel road while speeding , barely able to hold on to the road.  That is how I am going to get back my creative self, unabashed…

One technique to this goal is to draw with full body involved with no goal involved, just big chunks of charcoal, a white eraser and large sheets of paper and go fucking at it… this kind of drawing can still have purpose and meaning to it along with esthetic beauty and be a real work of art but can also be done and thrown out without feeling bad about trashing it also.

I have also returned to morning pages, a technique of writing free form, just whatever comes to mind, see last post for a little more vagueity on this…

Here is an example of one quick full body drawing I did, I also really like it.  The energy and the line work really expresses the feeling I was going through at that moment.

gesture

A re(focus)

In the past few years life has taken some strange turns which have had major consequences to my inner and outer life.  In an ongoing conversation with someone I met late this summer/early fall we have been taking about creative needs and writing and the power there of.  We even went back to some posts here to give examples for our points.  This has inspired me to re(focus) myself and get backing into writing on a regular basis about things that are important for me to get out.

Mostly there will be concepts about art/creative outlets, self and inner self issues, big picture/politics ongoing and historic along with worldly and local interests.  This might even help with projects new and ongoing, not to mention a lot of meandering muses.

^-^

WTF, I really hate saying what I am going to do in the future and not follow through with it.  Is reward/punishment a way to get re(focused).  No, the act of doing should be enough reward/punishment as it were.  Just that ACT OF DOING…

Some of this stems from a conversation that has been slinging around about my dad who passed in October 2009 and how the act of doing (writing, drawing, creating) had made the experience copeable*, something that helped process the emotions, and information that was coming on a nearly daily basis.  In hind sight it also has become a record of what it was like at the time of his illness and his final days with us.  So much so that even though not everything was written down a lot of the events even some of the extraneous stuff has come back in a wash.  Now it isn’t easy reliving some of this shit but I have to say it has brought clarity to the need of being who I am and back to find what is important in my live (creative life).

* Not really a word but I think it works and is understandable

refocus